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Life With Erin.....a.k.a. Life With Poo... [entries|friends|calendar]
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Fair? Well? [30 Jun 2013|12:55am]
How do we know what is fair? We cannot see all the moving parts, we cannot know what is fair. But we think we know what is unfair. We can feel it, in our gut, but it is confusion. Why does someone die? Why does someone die when so many will miss them? Will feel so deeply a void? Why does someone die when they have small children who need them? So many family and friends, that will miss them? And why......why at the same time, does one as useless as I, go on breathing? One with so few ties? One who scratches at life, on the edges. Drawing blood. One that bruises and bleeds without reason. What parts are moving?
dunk your donut

Spinning marble [21 Dec 2012|06:15pm]
Yeah suck it MAYANS, we're here, we like beer, get used to it. I miss this. I miss my internet friends. I have listened to too much deftones and it has made me reminiscent. And I don't like to be reminiscent, so now I have to get drunk. And I don't like to get drunk because drinking makes me chunky, and it'll be a good few months before I can start running regularly again. Dilemma.
dunk your donut

Livejournal, schmivejournal [10 Nov 2011|05:52am]
I had to post because I am terribly proud of myself for getting back into my account. Terribly. Proud. I missed you livejournal, and your big empty page for me to fill with nonsense and things I want to say out loud but don't want anyone but Erin to read. Hmm. Two and a half years and I have nothing new to talk about. Ok how about these: I may have been involved in setting an unofficial world record for "Fastest Bean Dip Consumption by a Group". I learned to swim proper. I've taken up running and yoga. In the time I've "been gone" I spent a year and a half looking for a house, and now almost a year living in the one I found. Because I take my time. I can't be rushed. I'll do it when I'm damn freakin' ready.
dunk your donut

whoa [12 May 2009|11:31pm]
[ mood | tired ]

WOOOOW I have not posted here in almost a year. I am just kicking this in to keep it alive but maybe I'll be back when I have time and brains to write about something....It's late.

4 dunks| dunk your donut

the rain smells like dirt [08 Aug 2008|12:30am]
[ mood | discontent ]

For feeling so good I sure feel pretty bad. Something is amiss when you sit daydreaming of falling on scissors or getting in a car wreck for the pure sake of being injured. There was a time, it seems like a really long time ago, when I had to hurt, I had to punish myself. For being so stupid. For being scared. For fucking up everything that could have, should have gone right. For having nothing. No control over anything....except hurt. Hurt is easy to come by. Pain is easy to find. You can see it, you can feel its heat and watch it drip and hear it crunch. Now I thought I was past all those thoughts. But they creep up on the edge of sleep. And they whisper in every quiet moment. I'm not crazy, suicidal, or in need of medication. There are just voids in me that I never figured out how to fill the right way. Something I know I'm missing but I can't figure out how to get it. Maybe it can't be found. Maybe I am hopeless. I feel like I have already lost all the best years I could have had. I can't get them back I can't rewind I can't erase the awful twinge in my gut when I think about them. I just want to fucking SHOOT something or someone or tear off all my fingernails or get struck by lightning or break glass. I cannot stand the fucking TWINGE in my stomach and my throat closing just because I am sitting here THINKING about how everyone I ever knew is LIVING a LIFE that I just cannot find or understand how to take for myself.

dunk your donut

Sausagefest [14 Apr 2008|10:02pm]
[ mood | awake ]

There was a time when I posted here more than twice a month. Now its been since NEW YEARS since I posted. But Erin has inspired me with her blog about brooming. No...sweeping. Did I just say brooming? HA! Anyway I straight up got promoted today. Freakin sweet. I barely even have to do more work. I dont know what else to write about, really. Erin and I are discussing having a bikini wax. Neither of us has had one so we don't quite know how that would go down. So naturally our imaginations are running away with us. Soooooo I could really go for a snack right now. Like some Ben and Jerrys or some Coldstone....or some good coffee....and a banana chocolate chip muffin....or some cheese and crackers. Or some noodles. I think im hungry. i gotta go.

2 dunks| dunk your donut

HOLY FREAKIN NEW YEAR [01 Jan 2008|12:59am]
[ mood | drunk ]

I havent blogged here since june are you fucking with me? Im slightly hammered and craving pizza, just so you know where I stand. Oh man I dont even know what to say. the later half of the year, had i blogged it, would have had a suprisingly upbeat tone. If i had any readers, they would have noted this. Anywho I am sitting here watching transformers and what has gone down s ince june is that well i have real job now its not temp. so it feels better. also i have a new bed thats always nice. i really cant form sentences right now. happy oh eight.

dunk your donut

Jalapeno [11 Jun 2007|09:45pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I forgot to write here that im working again, at united way again. For like three weeks now. It SUCKS im working on the other side and they are so disorganized and jittery it freaks the hell out of me. But whatever I only work until 12:30 each day haha. I thought it would be great, id have half the day to go around doing whatever, i wanted to go to museums and the movies and stuff, yeah, no. I leave work, go to lisas house or the mall and then get home at like five and feel like i did nothing all day. Very strange. Anyway Im thinking about going to vegas if anyone wants to come let me know! Thinking about august 6-10 somewhere in there! but that might change! Oh man guess what I got a speeding ticket on friday! It was so shitty, I was gunning it trying to get up a hill on the freeway and i had barely got up to 75. Then i hit the top of the hill and coming down it started edging up over 80 even though i was off the gas pedal. but of COURSE the damn cop was midway down the other side of the hill waiting for speeders. And of course every other car there was going as fast as me but they always pick on the damn red car! So yeah that was eighty fuckin bucks. And I am like PRAYING it doesnt ever show up on my insurance (my other two never did). OH man i was so pissed. For like ten minutes then i kind of didnt give a fuck, which surprised me.

dunk your donut

Start phasing in the crack. [08 Apr 2007|08:49pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

So, it was very unceremoniously announced to me on Thursday that my last day would be Friday. Actually they tried to give me the boot then and there on Thursday morning because I had finished what I was doing, but then a few odd jobs turned up. The temp agency called within 5 minutes of me finding out the job was over because they heard it first and wanted to 'discuss another assignment' but I have not called them back, because I wanted to take this week off to get some errands done and in case that job started on monday i wouldnt even give them the chance to force me to turn it down. I dont want to have to call them though, so I hope they call me back like tuesday. I should call before then but I hate phone calls ive told them before EMAIL is the way to get a hold of me. So yeah anyway I have a bunch of crap to do this week, most of it has to do with the wedding I am a bridesmaid in on saturday. I have to pick up my dress from the seamstress, get my nails done, figure out my insane hair......i dunno should i get it cut, colored, how to comb it....I think someone is going to comb it for me the day of but still im freakin out a little. I also think I need a bit of a tan. I also have to go to the bank, go to the radio station to pick up the frisbee i won almost a month ago before its forfeited...and the rehearsal dinner on friday, gotta remember to pack a bag since im staying at the hotel on saturday, oh yuck and figure out how to do my makeup. i suck at makeup. and i have bad skin that definitely takes work to make photo-presentable. Geez all of this and no one is even going to look at me anyway. its all for the damn photos Damnit I also have to clean my car really good because I have to drive myself from the church to the Duck Pond for the pictures, and from there to the hotel for the reception, all while wearing 10lbs of pink dress.....I have no idea how that will work. I think I have to put all weight loss on hold because if I lose any my dress with fall right off. but after saturday i want to get really serious about it. I have a pair of pants that almost fits me but by my birthday im hoping they will be loose. Oh man I just want to get this whole next week overwith.

dunk your donut

Gonna break my rusty cage [09 Mar 2007|10:26pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

They extended my job by two weeks! Im so confused as to when i have to leave i have to ask every day if im supposed to come in the next day. but the next two weeks is solid. and after that who knows. the week after my tentative last day is spring break for my sis so shes hoping im unemployed that week haha. that wouldnt be so bad but then again i like knowing ive got a paycheck coming. Oh man flaming hot lays chips are so tasty. This totally deletes the hip hop abs workout i did today but i dont even care. i suppose the 800 calorie smoothie i had at lunch didnt help either.

Oh did I mention that LINKIN PARKS NEW CD "MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT" COMES OUT ON MY BIRTHDAY AND IM REALLY GIDDY ABOUT IT?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?! well now you know.

dunk your donut

the crack plan is all askew [04 Mar 2007|09:09pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

Okay so now they say my last day is this friday at this job. but then they said "unless something else comes up" and she gave me a weird look. So im planning on friday. I dont even....i cant even.....i dont wanna. you know what i mean? wtf ill finish this when im coherent. blaaah.

dunk your donut

An Unfortunate Loss [19 Feb 2007|08:28pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

Oh geez I had a topic in mind for this entry and I cant even bring myself to start talking about it. Its too depressing. Then this will be one of those entries that is depressing and pathetic and sad and i do not want to dive into THAT deep end today. But oh man I cant even tell you how relieved I am at work I was working on this project for this person who shall remain nameless and it was so insanely disorganized it made me want to cry and kick and maim. Anyway my boss person decided that they needed me back on their side doing what I had been doing for the last month or so and pulled me off the crappy project. SO now I dont have to do the crappy one AND I dont have to work with the supernaturally annoying person that I share office space with, because they left the entire project to her. Lucky for THEM it is mostly past the point of the stuff she has no idea how to do that I had to do all of, and now she basically just has to get stuff to people in one piece. I cannot BELIEVE the things this person cannot do, I mean this is 2007 even if you have no arms and no legs and no eyes you should still be able to attach a file to an email. Especially considering the nature of our job. I use the word "job" loosely by the way, temping is BARELY a step above being unemployed. Bleh. As far as the end date for this job they said "the 28th and then we'll see" but i think really itd be the 2nd because they like to let you finish out the week. and then we'll see. Maybe another few weeks i hope. I hate this. Its like knowing you only have a month to live or something. Its crap. and theres no jobs. No jobs at all. What the FUCK am I gonna do. NOT go off the deep end at the moment no. FUCK that. BLAH. Okay Im gonna end this before it gets out of hand. BAH I dont want to end this like this ok. I ate a brownie today. mmmmmm. There thats a good note to end on.

dunk your donut

TOXICCCCCCK [11 Feb 2007|02:19am]
[ mood | PUMPED THE FUCK UP ]

myspace is a cocksucking whore it erased two whole blogs i wrote fucking cocksucker. i blgoedd a whole fucking drunk blog and itgs gone. fuck i said everhting. abougt how watching papa roach divd made me all pumped and how it sounds better on surround souind and how love stinks coffee cups are cool and how i bought a cd and how reading sucks because i see words and leters backwards and how im drunk because i had lots of alcohol and how im singing loud but i dont care because theay arent my nebors because im housesitting and all sorts of things and how i banged on my knees and computer like a drum and they both hurt. and how im cold on my feet but not my arms when i was in bed yesterday. it was all very drunken and now its gone and im soberer than i was then and its ruined now. fuck.

2 dunks| dunk your donut

i just wanna be wanna be loved [27 Nov 2006|10:32pm]
[ mood | twitchy ]

i am sooo tired my brain is like "huh?? what? stop bothering me..*rolls over and burritos up in the covers and goes back to sleep*" I think its because I ate so much the last few days my body is using up megawatts to turn it all into fat and it leaves nothing for me to use as brainpower. you know that little lightbulb above the head that lights up when you have an idea? even if i had an idea it wouldnt light up. it might like glow a little, flicker maybe, then it would fizzle out. Anyways since my lightbulb doesnt work i cant think of any good schemes to get me some Papa Roach tickets. As you know I love me some papa roach, and i loooooves me some mr dick. but someones dumb ass set them up to play at the SUNSHINE which is a small ass ancient theater on a street that is notorious for having zero parking. That aside, no one will go with me. my sis kinda wants to go but she doesnt wanna pay. I cant afford two tickets plus all the crap charges. PLUS you know you gotta buy a tshirt and sometimes a hoodie and usually at least two beers apiece. so it adds up. speaking of tshirts i was looking at their newer merch and there is an ORANGE tshirt that is way cool looking. and i want it. AND theres a hoodie with WINGS on it and you all know wings are my thing. i gotta restrain myself from the credit card usage. the visa bill came the same day as the paycheck and they were the same amount!! plus the christmas spending has commenced. as of friday. i spent a good hunk of change already and im not nearly done i still need to buy for both my parents, my sister, half my brothers present, my cousin whos name i drew, a neutral gift for the white elephant exchange, and something for the baby niece. oh and one more thing for melissa and joe i think. i want to get the baby a little lobos outfit but itll only fit her for like ten minutes. hmmm.actually i already got most of my moms present come to think of it. but i am stuck for ideas on the others. oohhh anyway i also got a haircut on wednesday. and you know whats freaky i didnt think of it when she cut it but later when i was combing it and it parted in the middle, and she had cut me these long bangs, and yeah i look eeerily similar to my X-23 action figure. you know if i lost 30lbs, put on green contacts and had metal claws coming out of my hands and feet......weird. yeah as long as i dont start looking like my Gambit action figure im ok. anyways im kind of excited for all the shopping but at the same time its frustrating. but yeah its fun too. wow when i started this i couldnt think of anything to say and now ive got a decent chunk of words here. sweet. *sniff sniff* does anyone else smell burned out lightbulb? :P

dunk your donut

old cookies [15 Nov 2006|09:11pm]
[ mood | sore ]

Today I dropped my toothbrush on the floor. So i threw it away. I think I might be taller. But I KNOW I am like, electrical. Today when I got out of my car and I went to unlock the door on the house and i touched the key to the lock.....and a huge blue spark...not even a spark, it was like a mini lightning bolt...flew from my hand to the lock. and it shocked the shit out of me. the other day i shocked myself on a doorknob so bad my pinky finger was numb for like three hours. wtf.

2 dunks| dunk your donut

Live from Cricketville! [17 Oct 2006|03:34am]
[ mood | lonely ]

Yeah, the outside of my house is covered with crickets. Everytime we open a door a mob of them storm in. I just killed like twelve in the dining room. gross. Aaaanyway....I. Am. Working.!!!! I have a real live job and soon ill get a real live paycheck (its all but spent already though hehe) and this job goes at least through the end of january, i believe. So yeah and its good. People are nice. Not stressful at all except for that Ive never had to dress "office-y" before so i basically just spent my paycheck before I got it on new clothes. not that i mind buying new clothes hehehe. Not much else Ive got to say lately....except some bad stuff so i wont get into it. Mmm tomorrow is dinner at Grandmas...ALWAYS good...its my gramps' 80th birthday. crazy.

dunk your donut

"and then I said, 'you're an idiot!'"... [25 Sep 2006|12:12am]
[ mood | anxious ]

I am runnin down the list of weird inner feelings this week.  Friday I had a weird feeling....like a...down-to-the-bone shiver. Like my soul was cold or something. Like a doomed feeling almost, but not really. It was really......unnerving. Now thats pretty much gone but i still feel this like....nonphysical nausea. Im not so sure what its all about.  I think its because a lady from the temp agency called and im pretending (as far as they are concerned) that my phone doesnt work so i dont get my messages. Because I dont want to call them back.  I only signed up at that place to get ONE JOB in particular, i was under the impression it would be starting fairly soon so i hurried and signed up. Turns out it wont start till OCT 16th-ish....soooo.....im stuck evading the phone calls offering me other jobs and stammering out what sounds like half baked reasons for refusing them. Im sure they think im a complete dumbass for turning down piles of jobs when i presumably signed up at a temp agency for the purpose of being given jobs.  SO rather than trying to explain it all (and rather than all the mandatory shots of vodka i have to take to get the balls to make professional phone calls without having an anxiety attack) im just going to not answer the phone when they call for about two  more weeks.....by then i figure the job i WANT will be calling THEM asking for ME and it will all be dandy. or maybe i could email....im usually alright with email...except the waiting for replies  to emails gets me drunk as bad as trying to call does. Im sure it would be pretty easy for anyone else to just take the calls and keep refusing, especially if you KNEW (as I do) when the job you want is intended to start.....but I am not anyone else....i am ME....i dont like referring to myself as a 'weenie', i feel its a little more complicated than that. complicated meaning me brain no worky. oh well whatever. Hey if anyone is interested in calling them and pretending to be ME, thatd be STELLAR.  MAN I wish I could wake tomorrow SOMEONE ELSE. not ANYONE else, mind you. Id like to step UP the ladder.  oo next weekend im housesitting a house with four dogs. and one of them is a big ole st bernard. that will be fun. im hungry. i only ate one meal today. it was at Turtle Mountain, so that made it worth it, but still im hungry. I think ill have my standard midnite snack o'crackers with peanut butter and milk. Yes im serious.

dunk your donut

Its very weird [11 Aug 2006|11:43pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I am an auntie today. To basically the cutest baby I have ever seen.  Pics coming soon.  That is basically all the news I have, since Ive been sitting in a hospital room since tuesday, watching Dog Whisperer with the sound off and drinking gallons of weak coffee. Hmmmm....yep. Thats all the news.

dunk your donut

Heart Exhaustion [21 Jul 2006|11:16pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

I'm tired. I can't sleep though.  The temp agency I signed up with offered me a job in SANTA FE. That is a 2 hour drive one way from my house. I mean COME ON I even specified NO JOBS IN SF at the interview. Give me a break. THEN the company I applied for a job with in MARCH that I called like six times called me this week and asked me questions. They said if they wanted me to come in for an interview they would call. They wont call. She didnt seem thrilled that I had no customer service experience.  It was a customer care associate or something like that. Blah.  Ive been so tired this week. I set my alarm for 8am, and im so dead asleep i dont hear it. I get up at 11:30. Today I got up, ate, took a nap for an hour, and ate again...and im tired again. Im like AWAKE....but im tired.

dunk your donut

[17 Jul 2006|12:08am]
[ mood | confused ]

Ok I am just using this as a place to deposit some stuff im looking up about my dream last night. 
Key ideas from dream: snow, urgent/warning, 4 dogs, metal chair, hitting me with metal chair, enemy, earthquake coming

To see metal in your dream, signifies strength and character. It may also symbolize the inhumane side of society.

Steel
To see steel in your dream, symbolizes toughness and strength. The dream may also be a pun on stealing. 
 
 Chair

To see a chair in your dream, symbolizes your need  to sit down and take time out to contemplate a situation before proceeding

Snow
To see snow in your dream, signifies your inhibitions, repressed/unexpressed emotions and feelings of frigidity. You need to release and express these emotions and inhibitions. You may also be feeling indifferent, alone and neglected.  If the snow is melting then it suggests that you are acknowledging and releasing those emotions you have repressed. You are overcoming your fears and obstacles.
 

To dream that you are watching the snow fall,  represents a clean start and a fresh, new perspective. It is indicative of spiritual peace and tranquility.

 Four

Four denotes stability, physical limitations, hard labor and earthly things, as in the four corners of the earth. It also stands for materialistic matters.  You get things done.

 
 Dog

To see a dog in your dream, indicate a skill that you have ignored or forgotten, but needs to be activated. Alternatively, dogs may  symbolize intuition, loyalty, generosity, protection, and fidelity. Your own values and intentions will enable you to go forward in the world and succeed.

Wolf
To see a wolf in your dream, symbolizes beauty, solitude, mystery, self-confidence and pride. You are able to keep your composure in a variety of social situations and can blend in with any situation with ease and grace. You are a loner by choice.  Negatively, it represents hostility and aggression.  It may also reflect an uncontrollable force or situation in your life. In particular, if the wolf is white, then it signifies valor and victory. You have the ability to see the light even in your darkest hours. 

To dream that you kill a wolf, indicates betrayal and secrets revealed.

Metal

Beating 
To dream that you are beaten, indicates that you need to make some fundamental changes to yourself. You need to make some conscious adjustments and evaluations.

Enemy
To dream that you are dealing with the enemies, represents a resolution to some inner conflict or waking life problem.

Earthquake
To dream of an earthquake, suggests that you are experiencing a major "shake-up" that is threatening your stability and foundation.  The dream highlights you insecurity, fears and sense of helplessness. If you find cover from the quake, you will overcome these challenges.  If you become trapped or injured during the quake, you will suffer loss of your business and assets.


Ok this is all very weird. I had this dream last night and I can't stop thinking about it all day, some parts of it were so VIVID and a lot of it I dreamed in like third person, like I was watching myself in a movie or something.  For some reason its just kind of unsettling to me.  I can't remember all of it or in what order the parts I do remember go, but heres what I can remember: 
For some reason I found myself having to take over care of four dogs. They looked like wolves. I didnt want to because I thought I couldnt care for all four dogs and there was a sense of urgency. The vivid part in my mind is of me standing on my back porch, and the porch and the yard are covered in snow. I am standing with the four dogs and I am a little afraid and i feel urgency because for some reason I know it is not safe for me to be at the house anymore, and I have to get the dogs away too.  No one else is at the house, but I can see myself standing facing the glass door and it is open but I cant go in because I should be leaving the house. Its not safe...like if I go inside I could be ambushed or something. and I can hear my moms voice, like a memory, telling me there is going to be an earthquake soon, she doesnt know how or why but there will be an earthquake. And I can hear myself telling her that is ridiculous because there is no reason to think there will be an earthquake. It all felt very ominous. But i think the reason it was not safe to be there was because there was someone looking for me, or for someone I know...like, hunting them, or me. I felt a little scared but mostly I felt brave.  I also remember a very clear image of my own face, and i know i felt cold, and my cheeks were very pink from the cold, and there was wind blowing some of my hair around my face.

The other part of the dream i remember is that someone was hitting me with a metal chair from the other side of the gate. I was in my grandmas driveway behind the gate and  someone is hitting me with a chair. and then they throw the chair over the fence and it lands upright, and the person runs away. and when i go out to see, no one is out there, but I get in the car at some point and leave fast up the road because i know i have to get away. still like im being hunted. i dont know if this part came before or after the dog part. but the dogs were kind of 'on my mind' the whole dream.  I also vaguely remember being at my grandmas house because I could hide in the garage, like there was a space behind the freezer to hide, but it turned out i couldnt. I kind of remember a lot of relatives being at my grandmas house when i got there and then they all disappeared and left fast before i knew it. I also vaguely remember driving up a main road and seeing a building on fire? maybe. For some reason the whole thing is very unsettling to me.

dunk your donut

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